As we go through life with our struggles one has to realize that all of us have and need is hope. Now that hope can be found in our Lord Savior Jesus Christ. My wife ( who could have been my late wife we the news we were given today) has this favorite saying” There is always if you are on this side of the sod” That is true. So she will be gone for at least another week to get the help she needs. I will on the other hand sit in an empty house by myself again and some things never change. It’s no fun going through tough times alone and I have never gotten used to it. So all I must have is hope from our Lord Jesus Christ that the house won’t seem so big and the tears won’t be so bad this time. Because my biggest fear is losing her and for that I am certain.
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As I sit here this early November morning, I ponder whether I should attempt to go to church?
You see my wife’s cancer seems to be picking up its attacks on her body. Her daughter is coming by to spend time with her, which will be good. I feel tired, alone and emotionally exhausted. Then in the morning, we have a doctor’s appointment with a cancer specialist that we have been told in advance she very well have to be hospitalized for the 4 time in about a month.
When we started this fight with her health we thought it would be about her heart but cancer decided to rear its ugly head. ( like so many others)
Am I going to church this morning? I have no idea. Will I be able to take a nap before that decision has to be made? Nope
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On this cold November morning, the stillness is only broken by the breathing of my most cherished loved one. The question for me is how many more times will I hear that cherished sound? Of course, none of us know when that sound will end for any of us yet that can be scary and yet comforting.
Will this be the day that those sounds will end? I have no idea but based on conversations with her and how her health has started to fail more and more each day and sometimes each hour. I will still hurt like I have never felt before and yet she will be in eternity with The Lord Jesus Christ and that is all that truly matters.
So is today the day I really start to look at how life would be without her after all of these years? Probably……………………
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As Halloween is fast approaching for many it’s a time for fun but for me, it hasn’t been since 2008. That was the day that I lost my dad. That moment of loss and watching him fade away something became and that is there are forces in the universe that no matter how big and strong I am I can’t stop. That of course is the power of The Lord God Almighty. The reality is that you never truly get over the loss of a loved one. You just learn over time it does become somewhat easier to handle.
There has been this debate for eternity over which is better to lose someone. Some believe that it’s easier if your loved one goes quickly. While there are those it’s better if it is something drawn out so you have time to say your goodbyes. Having gone through one and for the last several years while going through the other I can safely say that I don’t have a clue.
I do know that all people grieve differently and for others to judge others when they are grieving is simply wrong.
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