Tag: Life

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Will She Ever Come Home?

I was asked yesterday if my wife would ever get to come home. My response was ” I think so.” Well, after spending time with her yesterday, I am not so sure. She has been through so much and this is the most depressed I can ever recall seeing her in our over 25 years together. Having gone through what she has gone through I think anyone would feel depressed. The facility has mental health people there to help her but I will bring in people I trust to try and help her.

Will she ever come home? Only God knows that!

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The Awaited Call

As I await a phone call from my wife with the results of a medical test that could change everything. You would think that we you have to have your wife admitted to a hospital 5 times with about 7 and a half weeks you would get somewhat use it the wait. You don’t because you simply never know how things are going to change next.

As I sit here alone ( again) and ponder what tomorrow is for me personally ( my 65th birthday) I look back to a conversation I had with my mother earlier today. She asked me if I was excited about tomorrow? No and why should I? For me, it’s just another day in which I worry that the love of my life will be taken from me.

Will that call come tonight? I have no idea? The loneliness I feel won’t be leaving anytime soon then again in ways it hasn’t since this journey started all those many weeks ago.

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Another Sleepless Night

Well, here I am again. I haven’t had much sleep, which is the norm these days. The major reason, of course, is my wife’s failing health. It is not so much thinking about it on a conscious level but a subconscious one. Someone said in an e-mail yesterday that I am carrying a heavy load and they are right.

However, when I look closer at what I am feeling, it comes down to one fundamental fact. Like many millions of other Americans, we don’t have a day-to-day physical support system. People who are there regardless of what is going on in their lives. Sure I can bring in home health and the like but that still does not change that fact in our lives. When I hear people complain about this person or another in their lives I just want to scream “You don’t understand how fortunate you are to have those people being there for you”

So it’s thanksgiving and we do have so much to be thankful for and we are blessed in so many ways.

For those of you who have a day to day support system in your life cherish every single second because when you don’t there is such a void that cannot be put into words.

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Maybe 3 Weeks The Doctor Thought

Early this week in one of the most important doctors’ appointments that we have yet to have over my wife’s failing health we were told if we stayed on this course of treatment she probably have about 3 weeks to live. That will get your attention! We were given 3 choices to consider.

  1. Do nothing and try and make her comfortable. ( Not really an option)
  2. Send her home without anything and by the first part of next week to try some different.
  3. Put her in the hospital right now and get really aggressive with her treatment and that she will be in the hospital for at least a week.

For us there really wasn’t a choice and that was option number 3. ( we had actually thought they were just going to send her home)

Will this work? We have no idea and this is not fun to go through for both of us.

For believers, it really comes down to one simple question.

Do you have faith or not?

We do and we rolled the ” faith dice” of our lives because in the end we really didn’t have a choice.