Tag: people

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Why Me?

As we go through tough times there does come at some point that it is only natural that you ask yourself this question. Why me? It took 10 years of being a caregiver for my beloved wife ( and her death) and some potentially damaging news about my own health that I finally allowed myself to ask that question. Why so long you might ask? I have no idea. In many ways it is probably a miracle in itself that I haven’t allowed myself to ask that question long ago..

However, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise at all and frankly it’s part of the human experience. Throughout Scripture there are countless examples if people wondering why me? Even Jesus Christ had these immortal words “my god my god why have you forsaken me”? Or in other words he was asking his father in heaven the why me question.

So if you are asking yourself the why me question this day I have another question for you to ponder. As a believer the question becomes as follows. Why not me? You have The Lord Jesus Christ on your side while no believers don’t have that sense if comfort.

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The Hide A Bed And Loss

As I begin to think about what my life may be like moving forward with the loss of my beloved spouse, I realize that at some point, there will be some downsizing. (What do I need with a 3-bedroom house?) The thing is that I have this couch set with a folding bed inside. I can’t picture a scenario in which I would need a couch with a hide-a-bed inside. I will probably have someone come in and haul it away.

Isn’t that hide-a-bed like losing a spouse? You can try to hide your emotions all you want, but in the end, those feelings and fears are still present.

I was doing pretty good today with not crying in public until I went to check out at Goodwill and couldn’t figure out how to use my card. The young woman was so gracious and helped me complete that task.

So, do you have a hide-a-bed in your life that you are trying to hide from others? Trust me, that doesn’t work.

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How Much Longer Can I Take This Pain?

Well, it’s been another day of crying and screaming at the loss of my wife over 2 months ago. Being alone hour after hour makes the pain that much worse. The house’s emptiness makes my crying and screaming echo off the walls. My reality is I am 65 and all alone. There is simply no way to sugarcoat that fact. I just don’t know how much more of this I can emotionally and physically take? The other reality is this question.

How much more do I want to keep up this fight? My late wife was why I fought life’s battles each day. When I lost her, I not only lost my life partner but also the only real family I had. All we had was each other.

All I know is what lies ahead for me tonight is an empty house and a lot of screaming and crying. Of course the Good Lord could put a stop to this pain I am feeling and call me home tonight. Then I could be with him and her for eternity.

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Losing A Spouse Thoughts

Almost 2 months ago I lost the love of my life after 28 years. I thought I was ready for it after she had been so sick for so long. I was nowhere near ready for it and probably living in some dream world about it. The thing is, you can’t be, no matter how you try. It’s also a reminder that all those things you thought were important didn’t mean anything. The heartbreak of losing a spouse has nothing to do with your socioeconomic status in life. If you haven’t lost a spouse just wait it will be the most brutal thing you have ever experienced in life. ( or a child)

I think having family and friends around would help some. If you don’t have those, what you get to look forward to is a lot of extremely lonely days and nights alone. Then there is the issue of crying. If you are one of those who don’t cry much, that will change because the pain is so severe. In my experience, the public has been more than understanding when I start to cry once I explain to them what has happen.

So, before this day is over, I will have multiple crying spells. Some will be pretty mild, and some will be horrendous. I will try and negotiate with God. ( as you can tell he hasn’t taken me up on any of my ideas yet.)

So begs the question of why I don’t just give up? (Trust me it is a thought that has crossed my mind more than once)

The first, of course, is that I know exactly where she is and will be for eternity. I stood by and watched her fight health battles that most would have never even attempted. If she could fight so hard for us, I can somehow keep fighting while I am still here until we are reunited in heaven, because in the end, that is the only hope I truly have.