Tag: Women

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Kindness of Strangers

As we all go through life there are acts if kindness from people we have never met and probably will never meet again. Do you ever wonder who these people are and what motivated them to act in such a kind way towards you? Let’s be honest those kind folks often show up at times when we are not at our best? I know through the many years of my late wife’s health battles there were many acts of kindness by total strangers.

Here is an example as to what I am referring. I was walking the hall as my wife was having her 2nd open heart surgery within 9 days of each other when a woman approached. The woman asked me if she could ask me a question? That was ok with me. She said she had seen me walking by myself and said if I didn’t have any money she worked at the hospital cafeteria and we could use her credit to make sure I was fed. I assured her that I did have money on me but I did appreciate the gesture. I was just walking to kill time. That same woman could walk up to me today and I would not have any idea what she looks like. So when was the last time when a total stranger showed you an act of kindness?

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The Crash Is Here!

The big crash that the one closest to me ( these days) knew was coming has arrived in all it’s glory! After 10 years of being a caregiver for my beloved wife ( and her death) and a new health issue for me ( the first major one without her) the big emotional and physical toll if all of it gas finally caught up with me. The bigger question is why did it take so long? It has been coming like a train through a darken tunnel for a very,very long time. I am extremely isolated, I eat everything in sight and frankly I really have no big desire to speak with anyone. Which of course is the wrong course of action. Some would say that is a sign of depression and they would be right. You’d be depressed too if you were in my shoes. I sit in a 3 bedroom house with a cat. I can’t drive because if a health issue ( my doctor is right about that. It would be unsafe for me or the public if I drove)

However, that being said unless you have walked in my shoes there is no way anyone can truly understand. The thing is I am in no danger if hurting myself. I have no desire or energy for that stuff.

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All Alone At 65

As I sit here at 65 once again the stark reality hits ever so close. I am pretty much all alone. I have not had physical human interaction in almost 4 days now. There have been a couple of emails exchanged but that’s it. Part if it has to do with a current health issue but it goes much deeper than that and it goes back a very long time. You see I was literally raised in a church and for that not to be the center of my universe just goes to my very core. Of course part of that is the passage if time and a massive culture change when outreach was truly a more aggressive form than it is today. Today outreach is much more ” call me if need something” verses ” knocking on someone’s door or picking up the phone and saying ” how can I help?”. Those are two different mind sets. I had someone say to me in an email some time back that they were concerned for my well being. So what happened with that concern? Nothing.

So is today the day I just except this hard fact and just give up on life? I don’t know but it sure is something worth considering.

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Lonliness at a New Level?

As I spend another day trying to grapple with the loss of my wife of 28 years a question comes to mind? Is the level if loneliness reach a new level? My best guess is that it has and a major reason for that us the new found health scare I am going through now. She was always there to let me know that things were going to be ok even if she knew that was not the case.

When I returned to college after over 25 years away my first professor had this saying ” there are no solos” Of course she was referring to getting through college.

However, In many ways I am going through the most difficult time in my life physically solo and that makes a difficult situation even worse. We all need a physical shoulder to cry on and someone to say it’s going to be ok. I don’t have that like millions of others. For those of you who do cherish every single second because for those of us who don’t would give anything to have those kinds of relationships.