Almost 2 months ago I lost the love of my life after 28 years. I thought I was ready for it after she had been so sick for so long. I was nowhere near ready for it and probably living in some dream world about it. The thing is, you can’t be, no matter how you try. It’s also a reminder that all those things you thought were important didn’t mean anything. The heartbreak of losing a spouse has nothing to do with your socioeconomic status in life. If you haven’t lost a spouse just wait it will be the most brutal thing you have ever experienced in life. ( or a child)

I think having family and friends around would help some. If you don’t have those, what you get to look forward to is a lot of extremely lonely days and nights alone. Then there is the issue of crying. If you are one of those who don’t cry much, that will change because the pain is so severe. In my experience, the public has been more than understanding when I start to cry once I explain to them what has happen.

So, before this day is over, I will have multiple crying spells. Some will be pretty mild, and some will be horrendous. I will try and negotiate with God. ( as you can tell he hasn’t taken me up on any of my ideas yet.)

So begs the question of why I don’t just give up? (Trust me it is a thought that has crossed my mind more than once)

The first, of course, is that I know exactly where she is and will be for eternity. I stood by and watched her fight health battles that most would have never even attempted. If she could fight so hard for us, I can somehow keep fighting while I am still here until we are reunited in heaven, because in the end, that is the only hope I truly have.