• Feelings

    April 4, 2025
    Faith, Life, Uncategorized

    As I sit alone here with my cat, less than 24 hours from losing the love of my life. I wonder if this pain will ever get any better or if it will stay like this forever.

    Several people have inquired about how I am doing. It’s really simple. I am a trainwreck!

    I have times I can rationalize it and then burst into tears at any second.

    I will say this: you must be true to your feelings, regardless of what others may think, because if you don’t, you may come to regret it one day.

    So, as I said to my beloved wife recently that I loved her and how proud I was of her and now she is with The Lord God Almighty, and I am here wondering if I can take one more step.

    So if you think you have true feelings for someone, then tell them before it’s too late, because you never know they may have those same feelings too.

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  • Your Faith Dice Are You Ready To Roll Them?

    March 5, 2025
    Faith, Life

    Sometimes, you have to roll your faith dice, not knowing how they will turn out. So when do these times occur and what are faith dice anyway? Faith dice are things you build up over time in your faith journey. ( not by any works you have done) These times can very often happen in medical situations. You gather all the information you have been given and then you have a choice to make and in that moment is when you decide if you are going to roll your faith dice?

    Here is an example of what I am referring. Several years ago my wife’s health had really started to fail. After a long and drawn-out conversation, I had a decision to make was I willing to roll my faith dice knowing that if I didn’t then she could die but if I did say yes then she could also die. (Reflecting on it now my wife and her doctor were like 2 little children waiting to see what Dad was going to say?) I finally decided to say yes under 2 conditions. The first was that we were going to throw everything we could at this and the second was I don’t want to hear about money. That was over 9 years ago and we still have her but this past weekend we had a similar conversation but this time it was easier to make. It may blow up on us but there is one significant difference between now and then. That big difference is the spiritual support system that we have today. So all those many years ago as I stood by the bedside all alone I had no idea what God had planned for our lives.( by the way in those situations you don’t think about how much stuff you have)

    So yes I have rolled them twice in my life but in the end as a believer in The Lord Jesus Christ, in reality, I didn’t have any faith dice to roll in the first place.

    However, there is one big caveat to these situations. The time to be in the Word and to grow your faith is before you are faced with these types of situations.

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  • After She Is Gone

    February 28, 2025
    Uncategorized

    As my wife continues to slip away we have had numerous conversations as to what my life would look like?

    The first thing that has to be stated is that we have no idea how I am going to react to that.

    I have started to think about it more and more since I don’t have family, so in many ways, nothing is keeping me in the place I have known as home for nearly 30 years.

    She really wants me to take a trip to the beach, although I’m not sure I would want to do that alone.

    I think it might easy her worry that she has some idea before she takes her last breath.

    I’ve always wanted to take a missions trip of some kind.

    At first, thinking about a future without her, I just couldn’t handle to idea of it but it is something I must face whether I like it or not!

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  • Pain At A New Level

    February 26, 2025
    Uncategorized

    Through my over 6 decades on this planet, I thought I had experienced every kind of pain there is and somehow I got through it.

    However, watching my wife slowly die right in front of me is a kind of pain that I have never known and I know at some point it will reach another level and I don’t have any clue how I will get through that. Not one.

    She keeps saying she is sorry for this but it’s not her fault. None of this is anyone’s fault.

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