Tag: Church

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Why Me?

As we go through tough times there does come at some point that it is only natural that you ask yourself this question. Why me? It took 10 years of being a caregiver for my beloved wife ( and her death) and some potentially damaging news about my own health that I finally allowed myself to ask that question. Why so long you might ask? I have no idea. In many ways it is probably a miracle in itself that I haven’t allowed myself to ask that question long ago..

However, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise at all and frankly it’s part of the human experience. Throughout Scripture there are countless examples if people wondering why me? Even Jesus Christ had these immortal words “my god my god why have you forsaken me”? Or in other words he was asking his father in heaven the why me question.

So if you are asking yourself the why me question this day I have another question for you to ponder. As a believer the question becomes as follows. Why not me? You have The Lord Jesus Christ on your side while no believers don’t have that sense if comfort.

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You Ever Feel Like You Can’t Go On?

A few weeks back, I lost the love of my life of 28 years. Since then, I have cried, screamed, and begged for the Lord Jesus Christ to take me off this earth so I can be with her. It’s not that I am suicidal; it’s because I just want to be with her. I have no doubt that those pleadings will continue for as long as I can see. These are normal and to be expected, but here is the catch. I am not going anywhere until the Lord Jesus Christ is done with my journey on this earth and in his time frame.

So for me the verse that helps me begin to understand what I am going through is

Psalm 30:5

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

You see, the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that there will be rejoicing again and that day will come when the Lord Jesus Christ decides my work on earth is done. Until then, he will give me the strength to keep going

There is also this small matter of who would be madder at me if I simply gave up? My late wife or God?

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It’s Time To Go Home

With tears flowing down my face I uttered “It’s time to go home”. This day had been coming for nearly a decade and the words just came out. When the cancer specialist said that her cancer was 95% he had lived up to his promise. There were no other signs of a problem except that she simply did not eat enough to survive. So it was time to come to her physical home knowing that the next time she is called home it will be with The Lord God Almighty. All I can do as her husband is provide the food that he has given us and then it’s up to God if she will eat or not? Alive Hospice came by the house yesterday and that was a good thing.

We know that more than likely this will be our last Christmas together and she sleeps I can’t help but wonder if the next time I check on her she will be The Lord God Almighty.

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Does Anyone Truly Care About Me?

The above question is something that long-term caregivers ask themselves regularly and the reality is that it is a question I ask myself regularly. As my wife’s health continues to fail with another transfusion yesterday for my wife that question comes up for me more and more. I understand that her and I are pretty much alone in the day-to-day fight and the focus on her health is correct.

However, the reality is I do turn 65 this Thursday, and on Friday we find out if all of the aggressive treatment for her health has worked or not.

The reality is that this early November morning, besides my mother and my wife, my list gets really short quickly. Who knows why that is, but the reality for me is that is how I feel, and especially now, actions speak louder than words.