Tag: love

Posted on

The Night That Changed Everything

It was supposed to be a night like any other. It was about 2 a.m as I stood by a trash dumpster and watch the snow fall ever so gently as it fell past a light post not giving any hint as to what was about to happen. For me I figured it was going to be another night of moving snow and listening to Condominium owners complain how I had it out for them. Trust when you have 9 inches of snow about to fall on your head you don’t think about how you are going to pick on some owner that you have differences with in the past! It’s about getting thing cleared away before people have to leave for work. As I recall it wasn’t a real eventful night just moving snow and pumping as many fluids as possible in me. What I didn’t know was sometime during the process I hurt my lower back pretty bad. When it exactly happened I do not know. What I do know is in the middle if the next night 911 was called because I was in so much pain I couldn’t walk. I was taken to the hospital and spent the next 9 days there. (This was in about 1992.) In ways it was the worst thing ( up to that point) that had ever happened in my life. On the other hand it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was AR that stage where I would attend church in occasion. Then one day a woman (Ann) approached me about attending church with her. SoI did. I then spent almost 4 years in a conservative nondenominational church. Which ultimately led to me answering an add in a Christian Singles Paper ( long before e-harmony).One of the people I wrote to said I was to young for her. A few months later she wrote back and asked if we could start writing again? That was early spring in 1996. So we started wring again and on February 14 1997 we became husband wife for the next 28 years.

So today on our bed in extreme physical and emotional pain all alone with tears cascading down my cheeks and an emptiness in my soul.

The physical pain I feel today is very much like the one I felt all those many years ago but nothing like the emotional pain I have felt since April 3rd when she was called home to be without Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Posted on

Losing A Spouse Thoughts

Almost 2 months ago I lost the love of my life after 28 years. I thought I was ready for it after she had been so sick for so long. I was nowhere near ready for it and probably living in some dream world about it. The thing is, you can’t be, no matter how you try. It’s also a reminder that all those things you thought were important didn’t mean anything. The heartbreak of losing a spouse has nothing to do with your socioeconomic status in life. If you haven’t lost a spouse just wait it will be the most brutal thing you have ever experienced in life. ( or a child)

I think having family and friends around would help some. If you don’t have those, what you get to look forward to is a lot of extremely lonely days and nights alone. Then there is the issue of crying. If you are one of those who don’t cry much, that will change because the pain is so severe. In my experience, the public has been more than understanding when I start to cry once I explain to them what has happen.

So, before this day is over, I will have multiple crying spells. Some will be pretty mild, and some will be horrendous. I will try and negotiate with God. ( as you can tell he hasn’t taken me up on any of my ideas yet.)

So begs the question of why I don’t just give up? (Trust me it is a thought that has crossed my mind more than once)

The first, of course, is that I know exactly where she is and will be for eternity. I stood by and watched her fight health battles that most would have never even attempted. If she could fight so hard for us, I can somehow keep fighting while I am still here until we are reunited in heaven, because in the end, that is the only hope I truly have.