Tag: Faith

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How Much Longer Can I Take This Pain?

Well, it’s been another day of crying and screaming at the loss of my wife over 2 months ago. Being alone hour after hour makes the pain that much worse. The house’s emptiness makes my crying and screaming echo off the walls. My reality is I am 65 and all alone. There is simply no way to sugarcoat that fact. I just don’t know how much more of this I can emotionally and physically take? The other reality is this question.

How much more do I want to keep up this fight? My late wife was why I fought life’s battles each day. When I lost her, I not only lost my life partner but also the only real family I had. All we had was each other.

All I know is what lies ahead for me tonight is an empty house and a lot of screaming and crying. Of course the Good Lord could put a stop to this pain I am feeling and call me home tonight. Then I could be with him and her for eternity.

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Losing A Spouse Thoughts

Almost 2 months ago I lost the love of my life after 28 years. I thought I was ready for it after she had been so sick for so long. I was nowhere near ready for it and probably living in some dream world about it. The thing is, you can’t be, no matter how you try. It’s also a reminder that all those things you thought were important didn’t mean anything. The heartbreak of losing a spouse has nothing to do with your socioeconomic status in life. If you haven’t lost a spouse just wait it will be the most brutal thing you have ever experienced in life. ( or a child)

I think having family and friends around would help some. If you don’t have those, what you get to look forward to is a lot of extremely lonely days and nights alone. Then there is the issue of crying. If you are one of those who don’t cry much, that will change because the pain is so severe. In my experience, the public has been more than understanding when I start to cry once I explain to them what has happen.

So, before this day is over, I will have multiple crying spells. Some will be pretty mild, and some will be horrendous. I will try and negotiate with God. ( as you can tell he hasn’t taken me up on any of my ideas yet.)

So begs the question of why I don’t just give up? (Trust me it is a thought that has crossed my mind more than once)

The first, of course, is that I know exactly where she is and will be for eternity. I stood by and watched her fight health battles that most would have never even attempted. If she could fight so hard for us, I can somehow keep fighting while I am still here until we are reunited in heaven, because in the end, that is the only hope I truly have.

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You Ever Feel Like You Can’t Go On?

A few weeks back, I lost the love of my life of 28 years. Since then, I have cried, screamed, and begged for the Lord Jesus Christ to take me off this earth so I can be with her. It’s not that I am suicidal; it’s because I just want to be with her. I have no doubt that those pleadings will continue for as long as I can see. These are normal and to be expected, but here is the catch. I am not going anywhere until the Lord Jesus Christ is done with my journey on this earth and in his time frame.

So for me the verse that helps me begin to understand what I am going through is

Psalm 30:5

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

You see, the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that there will be rejoicing again and that day will come when the Lord Jesus Christ decides my work on earth is done. Until then, he will give me the strength to keep going

There is also this small matter of who would be madder at me if I simply gave up? My late wife or God?

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Feelings

As I sit alone here with my cat, less than 24 hours from losing the love of my life. I wonder if this pain will ever get any better or if it will stay like this forever.

Several people have inquired about how I am doing. It’s really simple. I am a trainwreck!

I have times I can rationalize it and then burst into tears at any second.

I will say this: you must be true to your feelings, regardless of what others may think, because if you don’t, you may come to regret it one day.

So, as I said to my beloved wife recently that I loved her and how proud I was of her and now she is with The Lord God Almighty, and I am here wondering if I can take one more step.

So if you think you have true feelings for someone, then tell them before it’s too late, because you never know they may have those same feelings too.