Tag: God

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Losing A Spouse Thoughts

Almost 2 months ago I lost the love of my life after 28 years. I thought I was ready for it after she had been so sick for so long. I was nowhere near ready for it and probably living in some dream world about it. The thing is, you can’t be, no matter how you try. It’s also a reminder that all those things you thought were important didn’t mean anything. The heartbreak of losing a spouse has nothing to do with your socioeconomic status in life. If you haven’t lost a spouse just wait it will be the most brutal thing you have ever experienced in life. ( or a child)

I think having family and friends around would help some. If you don’t have those, what you get to look forward to is a lot of extremely lonely days and nights alone. Then there is the issue of crying. If you are one of those who don’t cry much, that will change because the pain is so severe. In my experience, the public has been more than understanding when I start to cry once I explain to them what has happen.

So, before this day is over, I will have multiple crying spells. Some will be pretty mild, and some will be horrendous. I will try and negotiate with God. ( as you can tell he hasn’t taken me up on any of my ideas yet.)

So begs the question of why I don’t just give up? (Trust me it is a thought that has crossed my mind more than once)

The first, of course, is that I know exactly where she is and will be for eternity. I stood by and watched her fight health battles that most would have never even attempted. If she could fight so hard for us, I can somehow keep fighting while I am still here until we are reunited in heaven, because in the end, that is the only hope I truly have.

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Your Faith Dice Are You Ready To Roll Them?

Sometimes, you have to roll your faith dice, not knowing how they will turn out. So when do these times occur and what are faith dice anyway? Faith dice are things you build up over time in your faith journey. ( not by any works you have done) These times can very often happen in medical situations. You gather all the information you have been given and then you have a choice to make and in that moment is when you decide if you are going to roll your faith dice?

Here is an example of what I am referring. Several years ago my wife’s health had really started to fail. After a long and drawn-out conversation, I had a decision to make was I willing to roll my faith dice knowing that if I didn’t then she could die but if I did say yes then she could also die. (Reflecting on it now my wife and her doctor were like 2 little children waiting to see what Dad was going to say?) I finally decided to say yes under 2 conditions. The first was that we were going to throw everything we could at this and the second was I don’t want to hear about money. That was over 9 years ago and we still have her but this past weekend we had a similar conversation but this time it was easier to make. It may blow up on us but there is one significant difference between now and then. That big difference is the spiritual support system that we have today. So all those many years ago as I stood by the bedside all alone I had no idea what God had planned for our lives.( by the way in those situations you don’t think about how much stuff you have)

So yes I have rolled them twice in my life but in the end as a believer in The Lord Jesus Christ, in reality, I didn’t have any faith dice to roll in the first place.

However, there is one big caveat to these situations. The time to be in the Word and to grow your faith is before you are faced with these types of situations.

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Valentines Day 2025 Is Going To Be Sad

As Valentine’s Day approaches at the end of the week, it will be a special day for my wife and I because it will probably be our last together. Of course, we never know when it will be the “last” of anything. But this is different because of her failing health. Just to think we met through a Christian Singles paper ( long before e-Harmony and the like) in 1996. She thought I was too young for her. ( She is about 10 years older). I was in St. Louis and she was in Nashville. She had a career in Nashville and it just made more sense for me to come to Nashville.

It has been some ride and I would do it all over again in a split second.

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Not Knowing What To Say?

Sometimes in our lives, we simply do not know what to say and that’s ok. I think we need to avoid saying something like ” I know how you feel or I understand what you are going through?” The reality is that none of us truly know what someone else is going through because often the person you are speaking to doesn’t understand what they are going through either. There is nothing wrong with expressing to someone that you truly don’t understand. You can be empathic, loving, and caring, and often that can be enough. I think it is also important that they may be more emotional than would you think but they can be dealing with issues that they had thought about in theory but now are facing the reality of it and that can be a very lonely place for them.